testimoney

I really didnt want to do it as i would rather be in the background didnt think i had anything to say and things still hurt but i did do it and here is what i said

Hello my name is Lorna and I am married to ste who is currently at home with our 4-month-old daughter Abigail. I am currently working as a staff nurse at the Marie curie hospice. A job that I love doing. When Lyndsey asked me to give my testimony my first thought was that there must be someone better to do it, there are lots of people who are able to speak better than me, that have a great testimony to give. I thought about the excuses I could give not to do it but there was obviously some reason why Lindsey felt it should be me.

I am not very good at remembering were verses of scripture come from but this is one I do and one that its relevance on my life is clear and one that Over the last few weeks which have been at times difficult has provided me with hope and strength.
(Ecclesiastes 3 v1 everything on earth has its own time and its own season.) I struggle at times to see why God has done thing in my life but God does have a plan for us and a time for things to happen and it is hard to accept his plan at times. But God dosent give us anything we cant handle without his help. And I am no different from anyone else I have experienced the good time and the bad times.

God has a plan for my life I don’t always agree with that plan certainly im not always patient with his plan and sometimes I don’t understand his plans, But often at a later time I do and again I realise that he always knows what best for me. 10 weeks ago while we were at the morning service a message came that my dad had passed away. This was a complete shock and very sudden. At first Ste described me as being in Work mode I dealt with things in very practical terms but I did have my moments and ste would be there for me or I would get a smile of Abigail. But through it all I always seemed to have the strength I needed. When I was expecting Abi ste started a blog so he could keep friends updated on what was happening, for those unsure of what a blog is it like having your own web page where you publish enteries. Since Abi arrival it’s become like a journal of her life and a way for friends and family not nearby to see the latest pictures. Sometimes we use it to record our thoughts this is an entry I simple titled ramblings.
It’s strange when people ask how I feel I say I'm fine but when I think about things I wonder has it really sunk in about Dad. I'm so use to living away from home and not seeing them all the time that I wonder if it hasn't really hit home that dads not there any more. I know they have been close the last few months and that's been great and especially now I'm so glad moms close. I really not sure how or what I feel, there are times when I don't want to be the brave one the grown up any more I want to be my dads little girl. It’s hard to think I wont ever be daddy’s little girl anymore. And that's usually when Ste is they’re helping me.Its difficult to say some words without the other and I am always finding myself saying mom and dad those names just seem to be together. Last night as we sat sorting out the Easter cards I gave Ste his mom and dads to write on and he said should he put an R on it so we knew which mom and dad it was for (Something we have always Done) And then was mortified when he realised what he said. But I now exactly where he coming from. At times it seems so unreal that dad has gone and other times all to real.But I do now that everything happens for a reason and there is a time for everything. And I thank God for what I have. Because I know as bad have things have been that without Ste and Abe but especially Ste they would have been unbearable. It just shows how amazing God is and how he provides for us because the things that have happened these last few months have made such a difference with losing Dad and it is perfectly clear there all Gods plan for our lives. I couldn't have anyone better by my side to share my life with and he was certainly worth the wait. I know just how fortunate I am to have him even though at times he drives me mad. I know that we are meant to be together and there is no one else I would rather be with..
It something that were all still dealing with and there are more difficult days like last Sunday at Abi Dedication. My dad had been desperate to be a granddad and were all so Glad that he got to meet Abigail. But last week I felt he should have been there he would have been so proud. There are times when I get angry times when it hurts but I do have a sense of it being Gods plan, and off god being with me helping me through it.

Three years ago my life was unrecognisable from what it is today, I had landed the opportunity to train for my dream job, I had lovely flat great friends around me and my spiritual life was going well. But I didn’t have anyone to share my life with. A Friend once said to me that she had accepted that it was Gods plan to be single, I couldn’t believe that was his plan for me I felt I had so much love to give to a family. It was something I tried to do something about and something I prayed about. Then I became ill with depression, I lost all sense of self worth all my confidence and I guess the essence of what makes me Lorna. There is a line in a song the songsters are currently learning “When friends no longer felt near when my days were dark and the way unclear all my plans revealed a life of emptiness I had lost the will to carry on” That describes how I felt, I could go no lower I was even struggling to feel that God was with me. And at times wondered if I should just walk away particularly I felt torn in two by friends that weren’t Christians when one simply said to me I don’t need a crutch in my life, it was hard to carry on when I felt so far from God. But God was there only I didn’t see him. He was there every time a friend helped me there when I was sad, there strengthen me when I needed to deal with things. But when I look back there was a reason why I went through that time and as I began to recover my faith became stronger and I knew more certainly God had been holding me all along.

And little did I Know he had something amazing in store for me, I thought falling head over heels in love only happened in books how wrong can you be. I meet Ste and 6 weeks later we were engaged and a year later married. But yet I never had any doubts that we were meant to be together and it was Gods plan for us. Ste was everything I could want and more apart from he wasn’t a Christian. But he fully accepted that I was a Christian and that my faith was part of whom I am, he supported me in all that I did. He started by coming to the Army on special Occasions and then on a more regular basis, developing friendships. This Christmas ste Asked me what I wanted and I said nothing I have got all I could ever want and that thought came back to me on New years eve as I looked out at the fireworks from the ward window while talking to ste on the phone and with Abi downstairs in the Special Care Unit we weren’t together at the start of the New Year but we were together as a family. I was contented secure and happy. But I didn’t now what the next few weeks would bring. Ste had been attending the Alpha course and in January made the decision to become a Christian. That in turn meant he was able to deal with some issues in his life and move on from them. Which meant when I needed him when dad died he was able to be there for me.
And as for the friend who felt no need of a crutch in her life I guess God has showed me time and time again just how wrong she is but no more so than on the day of Dads funeral where she was very visible upset more than any of us, and at first I felt guilty about this. But you see unlike her because I have my faith I know where dad is and that he is safe and I also knew that Jesus is the source of my strength and I can call on his promises His strength has been so close to me over the last few weeks and last week at Abis dedication it was simply my prayer that she comes to know that Jesus is the source of all she needs. And as for me well I hope I can be an example to her and ste as they both grown in there faith. But I knew I will be fine because God has a plan for our lives and he alone gives us the strength we need.