Hurting

Went to the Army this morning and came home wondering why i had bothered because i came home upset sad and hurting.  I know it was my choice to stop wearing uniform and therefore come out of the songsters but it hurts when other people are able to sing and not wear uniform it hurts when people no longer speak to me and it hurts when no one seems to care.  There are those who say the miss me and want to see me back and i now they mean it.  But there are others who i think havent even noticed and others still who i dont think want me back.  I really miss singing but at the moment dont feel i can wear uniform as im not worthy of it so therefore i feel i can't sing at the moment.  I also really want to go back and feel like i cant go back.  So where does that leave me hurting.  Particularly when Abi asks why arent you singing mummy.  I wonder is it worth it