testimoney

I really didnt want to do it as i would rather be in the background didnt think i had anything to say and things still hurt but i did do it and here is what i said

Hello my name is Lorna and I am married to ste who is currently at home with our 4-month-old daughter Abigail. I am currently working as a staff nurse at the Marie curie hospice. A job that I love doing. When Lyndsey asked me to give my testimony my first thought was that there must be someone better to do it, there are lots of people who are able to speak better than me, that have a great testimony to give. I thought about the excuses I could give not to do it but there was obviously some reason why Lindsey felt it should be me.

I am not very good at remembering were verses of scripture come from but this is one I do and one that its relevance on my life is clear and one that Over the last few weeks which have been at times difficult has provided me with hope and strength.
(Ecclesiastes 3 v1 everything on earth has its own time and its own season.) I struggle at times to see why God has done thing in my life but God does have a plan for us and a time for things to happen and it is hard to accept his plan at times. But God dosent give us anything we cant handle without his help. And I am no different from anyone else I have experienced the good time and the bad times.

God has a plan for my life I don’t always agree with that plan certainly im not always patient with his plan and sometimes I don’t understand his plans, But often at a later time I do and again I realise that he always knows what best for me. 10 weeks ago while we were at the morning service a message came that my dad had passed away. This was a complete shock and very sudden. At first Ste described me as being in Work mode I dealt with things in very practical terms but I did have my moments and ste would be there for me or I would get a smile of Abigail. But through it all I always seemed to have the strength I needed. When I was expecting Abi ste started a blog so he could keep friends updated on what was happening, for those unsure of what a blog is it like having your own web page where you publish enteries. Since Abi arrival it’s become like a journal of her life and a way for friends and family not nearby to see the latest pictures. Sometimes we use it to record our thoughts this is an entry I simple titled ramblings.
It’s strange when people ask how I feel I say I'm fine but when I think about things I wonder has it really sunk in about Dad. I'm so use to living away from home and not seeing them all the time that I wonder if it hasn't really hit home that dads not there any more. I know they have been close the last few months and that's been great and especially now I'm so glad moms close. I really not sure how or what I feel, there are times when I don't want to be the brave one the grown up any more I want to be my dads little girl. It’s hard to think I wont ever be daddy’s little girl anymore. And that's usually when Ste is they’re helping me.Its difficult to say some words without the other and I am always finding myself saying mom and dad those names just seem to be together. Last night as we sat sorting out the Easter cards I gave Ste his mom and dads to write on and he said should he put an R on it so we knew which mom and dad it was for (Something we have always Done) And then was mortified when he realised what he said. But I now exactly where he coming from. At times it seems so unreal that dad has gone and other times all to real.But I do now that everything happens for a reason and there is a time for everything. And I thank God for what I have. Because I know as bad have things have been that without Ste and Abe but especially Ste they would have been unbearable. It just shows how amazing God is and how he provides for us because the things that have happened these last few months have made such a difference with losing Dad and it is perfectly clear there all Gods plan for our lives. I couldn't have anyone better by my side to share my life with and he was certainly worth the wait. I know just how fortunate I am to have him even though at times he drives me mad. I know that we are meant to be together and there is no one else I would rather be with..
It something that were all still dealing with and there are more difficult days like last Sunday at Abi Dedication. My dad had been desperate to be a granddad and were all so Glad that he got to meet Abigail. But last week I felt he should have been there he would have been so proud. There are times when I get angry times when it hurts but I do have a sense of it being Gods plan, and off god being with me helping me through it.

Three years ago my life was unrecognisable from what it is today, I had landed the opportunity to train for my dream job, I had lovely flat great friends around me and my spiritual life was going well. But I didn’t have anyone to share my life with. A Friend once said to me that she had accepted that it was Gods plan to be single, I couldn’t believe that was his plan for me I felt I had so much love to give to a family. It was something I tried to do something about and something I prayed about. Then I became ill with depression, I lost all sense of self worth all my confidence and I guess the essence of what makes me Lorna. There is a line in a song the songsters are currently learning “When friends no longer felt near when my days were dark and the way unclear all my plans revealed a life of emptiness I had lost the will to carry on” That describes how I felt, I could go no lower I was even struggling to feel that God was with me. And at times wondered if I should just walk away particularly I felt torn in two by friends that weren’t Christians when one simply said to me I don’t need a crutch in my life, it was hard to carry on when I felt so far from God. But God was there only I didn’t see him. He was there every time a friend helped me there when I was sad, there strengthen me when I needed to deal with things. But when I look back there was a reason why I went through that time and as I began to recover my faith became stronger and I knew more certainly God had been holding me all along.

And little did I Know he had something amazing in store for me, I thought falling head over heels in love only happened in books how wrong can you be. I meet Ste and 6 weeks later we were engaged and a year later married. But yet I never had any doubts that we were meant to be together and it was Gods plan for us. Ste was everything I could want and more apart from he wasn’t a Christian. But he fully accepted that I was a Christian and that my faith was part of whom I am, he supported me in all that I did. He started by coming to the Army on special Occasions and then on a more regular basis, developing friendships. This Christmas ste Asked me what I wanted and I said nothing I have got all I could ever want and that thought came back to me on New years eve as I looked out at the fireworks from the ward window while talking to ste on the phone and with Abi downstairs in the Special Care Unit we weren’t together at the start of the New Year but we were together as a family. I was contented secure and happy. But I didn’t now what the next few weeks would bring. Ste had been attending the Alpha course and in January made the decision to become a Christian. That in turn meant he was able to deal with some issues in his life and move on from them. Which meant when I needed him when dad died he was able to be there for me.
And as for the friend who felt no need of a crutch in her life I guess God has showed me time and time again just how wrong she is but no more so than on the day of Dads funeral where she was very visible upset more than any of us, and at first I felt guilty about this. But you see unlike her because I have my faith I know where dad is and that he is safe and I also knew that Jesus is the source of my strength and I can call on his promises His strength has been so close to me over the last few weeks and last week at Abis dedication it was simply my prayer that she comes to know that Jesus is the source of all she needs. And as for me well I hope I can be an example to her and ste as they both grown in there faith. But I knew I will be fine because God has a plan for our lives and he alone gives us the strength we need.

Swimming

Mummy and Daddy took me swimming. It was like being in a giant bath. Mummy dressed me in a special outfit she said it was a swimming costume it was red with white spots on and had a little skirt. They put me in to a seat and pushed me round the pool it was fun. Mummy kept saying kick my legs but i didn't. It was fun but the best was when Daddy pushed me and mummy round.

Then in the afternoon Grandad came round to help Daddy I'm not sure what they were doing, but they were at the top of tall ladders. Mummy was busy on the computer and tried to get me to sleep but i decided it was more fun to stay awake. So Mummy ended up sitting on my bedroom floor with me on her lap and the computer next to her. I'm not sure what she was up to but she was quite worried about it and a little bit upset.

Mummy then went out with Grandma, Auntie Val picked them up, Daddy said Mummy was going out with the songsters they were going to a place called Connors Quay and Mummy was nervous cause she was giving her testimony but Daddy said she would be fine and if she got upset to think of me and him smiling. I think it worked because some people told Daddy that she did well. I think my Mummies very clever and i love her and Daddy lots.

Mummy and Daddy moved some stuff out of the garage into the shed today and then we went up to see Nanny and Grandad and they gave me some more food but it just tastes of my milk and feels funny in my mouth i am not sure i like it.

Then we came home and i had a bath and then Mummy bathed Macy, Daddy says he is going to have a haircut on Tuesday. Anyway thats all my news for now love and cuddles Abigail

Abi Update

Here is a picture of me with all the gifts i received for my dedication i just want to say thank you to everyone who gave me something and everyone who helped my Mummy and Daddy make it a lovely day.

And here's a picture of me getting some proper food, Mummy gave me some food today for tea she said it was baby rice but it just tasted of my milk. I wasn't sure i liked it first and wanted my bottle but after a bit i didn't mind. Macy liked it as well and as you can see he was waiting for his turn. I think that's all my news for Know.
And here is one of me helping Mummy in the Kitchen imade some Fairy cakes for Daddy and Uncle Peter. Then one of me relaxin on the sofa and finally one of me being me.

My New Friend has Arrived

Mummy just told me that my new friend has arrived. Auntie Debi had a baby boy at 12:01pm and there both well 7lb 9oz Arthur Douglas i cant wait to meet him and to say congratulations to Auntie Debi and Uncle Steve.

We Dont do Duvets!!!!

We dont do duvets

Proof my husband has lost it!!!!!!!!! We were in bed last night and something got spilt on to the duvets and Ste shouts we don't do duvets!!!!!! to which i collapse in hysterics. for those of our age group who spent a lot of Saturday mornings in front of live and kicking they will remember Trevor and Simon and there laundry shop were the celebs always went to be told we don't do duvets. I have to say i didn't instantly remember where the saying came from but once i heard live and kicking i remembered.

Baby Massage

Mummy said we were going to Baby Massage this afternoon, i wasn't sure what she meant, but i like going out so decided it seemed like a good idea. We went into a room where there were other mummies and babies. A lady talked to the mummies first and then Mummy took my trousers off and put me on a mat and started rubbing oil into my leg, then my feet and it was nice but i was hungry so i let mummy know. So she gave me my bottle and then did the other leg. I then had the rest of my bottle and we went shopping but i felt nice and calm so went to sleep. I think we are going gain next week i hope so as i enjoyed it.

Big Day and Daddys Birthday

Because it was my dedication we left early and the car was packed full of food. Mummy and Auntie Pam were busy in the kitchen, while Daddy made the table look nice and sorted decorations. Auntie Rachel Helped then Nanny and Grandad arrived with the cakes and more food. Lots of family and friends came and all my friends from the Army were there, but i don't think Daddy was happy when they all sang Happy Birthday.

Here is a picture of Daddy and Auntie Dawn with there Birthday Cake. It also shows all the food Mummy had done for the buffet after my dedication. Daddy was looking very smart.

But as you can see so was i, here's a picture of me in my dress i am with Auntie Carol

And here is a picture of me with Auntie Julie in my other Dress at Daddy's birthday party







Here is Daddy opening his presents and Cards.


and getting some help off Melissa . And me and mummy having help opening my presents. There will be more pics of the dedication to follow

Nerves

Tomorrow is my dedication, Mummy says its when they say thank you to God for me and make some promises. It is also Daddy's Birthday as well as Auntie Dawns. We went shopping this morning and brought lots of bread then we went to Nanny's and Grandads so Daddy could wash his car. Auntie Linda was there with Mellisa then Auntie Julie came. I fell asleep so i stayed there why Mummy and Daddy did some jobs.



Uncle Peter keeps asking if I'm nervous about tomorrow i dont know why because i like going to see my friends and i am excited about daddy's birthday i think we are going to Nanny and grandad in the afternoon to celebrate daddy's birthday. I think Mummy is a bit sad because Grandad didn't get to see my dedication, but happy because its a special day. I have got a pretty dress to wear but i think its a bit big as it comes past my feet but Mummy said it is meant to. But here is a sneak preview of me in my dress.

Cake

Daddys been of work todayand he has been busy cleaning the windows. Macy got shouted at because he got marks on the window after Daddy had cleaned it. We have been to pick up Daddys birthday cake and it looks delicious and then we went to nanny and grandads were Nanny has made me a cake it is really pretty with pink flowers. Only thing is Mummy says i cant have any yet.

Yesterday i went to my Auntie Carols and had fun playing with my cousin Beth she made sure that i was ok and kept me covered up. Auntie Carol took us both for a long walk. I enjoyed playing with Beth.

News

Not got much to tell you Mummy and Daddy had a busy weekend. I got to wear my new dress but not sure about the thing Mummy kept putting on my head. But they did spend some time in the garden yesterday. Me and Mummy have been out today to get Daddy's Birthday present, i told mummy which colour i wanted. But cant tell you anymore. We also picked up some things for Sunday.

Heres a picture of me when i got caught using the computer. But i dont think Mummy and Daddy mind

Fashion Parade

Here i am in some more outfits that i had brought for me.

And finally here i am i borrowed Daddys

animal top Mummy says they dont

do them for babies and i will have to wait

till i grew.

Easter Sunday

I felt a lot better today when i woke up, Just as i was having breakfast this morning Mummy and Daddy came to pick me up. They took me to Chuch to see all my friends and i they got lots of parcels for me. Mummy and Daddy brought me Spots first easter and 2 more books for my leapfrog. i have also got a Bunny a sheep a book with a piglet and lots of clothes. I got Daddy an easter egg with his name on and mummy a little chocolate egg.

Here is a picture of me with the presents i have recieved. Thank you for everyone who brought me something.

And here i am with my new toy

And finally Piglet

Easter Weekend

The sun was shining so Mummy and Daddy decide they would walk to the shops instead of driving, and they brought Macy as well. When we got there i went in with Mummy and Daddy waited outside with Daddy. Then we came home and had lunch, and mummy packed some of my things together. Daddy said he was taking mummy out and i was going to stay with Nanny and Grandad.

They took me and my things and i settled in with Nanny and Grandad, Joe was there and he played with Grandad we sat in the garden enjoying in the sunshine. There garden is a lot nicer than ours but dont tell daddy i said that. I felt a lot better than the day before but still wasn't really hungry. I was good but did wake Nanny once. Daddy phoned twice to see if i was OK and behaving the first time Auntie Carol was feeding me and Daddy said him and Mummy were shopping in Manchester. The second time i was getting ready to have my bath and Daddy was taking Mummy to see someone called Michael Ball apparently it was her anniversary present.

Good Friday

Mummy says it is an important day to day. We went to church this morning and i was extra special good. Then Mummy and Daddy took me Macy, Grandma and Uncle Peter for a ride in the car we went through a big dark tunnel and got to a place that Mummy said was the seaside. Uncle Peter asked Mummy if i had a bucket and spade, Mummy said no but was uncle Peter going to buy me one, he said he would. I was felling very tired so slept. Apparently we went to the sea and then Daddy and Uncle Peter had donuts and then Uncle Peter went into a shop and came out with a red bucket and spade for me. here he is passing it to me.

I still didn't feel well so i kept sleeping we then went somewhere else, when we came home i had slept nearly all afternoon and wasn't hungry. Mummy thinks it was my injections i had on Tuesday.

What do they dream off?

Last night i went in to check on Abigail before going to bed. And Abi was lying in her cot smiling and then all of a sudden broke into a really big smile then snuggled in to her teddy. Not sure what she was dreaming about but it must have been good.

Not Again

Mummy took me to the doctors again today i now weigh 13ib 3oz or 6kgs. Daddy said he thought i would be a stone but that silly as you get different size stones. She then took me into see a very nice lady who had lots of toys, but then she put somthing sharp into my leg and then the other leg. it hurt so i screamed and mummy cuddled me but then we went out and i started again when i saw grandma as i thought i might get more sympathy but mummy saw through the plan. I wait till daddy comes home and see if it works with him.

Yesterday when i went shopping with mummy she gave me her cards to hold just as i was dreaming about all the toys i could buy she took them off me to give to the lady to pay for our shopping.

Ramblings

Its strange when people ask how i feel i say I'm fine but when i think about things i wonder has it really sunk in about Dad. I'm so use to living away from home and not see them all the time that i wonder if it hasn't really hit home that dads not there any more. I know they have been close the last few months and that's been great and especially now I'm so glad moms close. I really not sure how or what i feel, there are times when i don't want to be the brave one the grown up any more i want to be my dads little girl. Its hard to think i wont ever be daddys little girl anymore. And that's usually when Ste is there helping me.

Its difficult to say some words without the other and i am always finding myself saying mom and dad those names just seem to be together. Last night as we sat sorting out the Easter cards i gave Ste his mom and dads to write on and he said should he put an R on it so we knew which mom and dad it was for (Something we have always Done) And then was mortified when he realised what he said. But i now exactly where he coming from. At times it seems so unreal that dad has gone and other times all to real.

But i do now that everything happens for a reason and there is a time for everything. And i thank God for what i have. Because i know as bad have things have been that without Ste and Abi but especially Ste they would have been unbearable. It just shows how ammazing God is and how he provides for us because the things that have happened this last few months have made such a difference with losing Dad and it is perfectly clear there all Gods plan for our lives. Sorry to use a really cheesy cliche but you know the song in Sound of music where the captain and Marie finally admit there feelings for each others they say (i must have done something right in my youth or childhood cause here you are standing ) Well not sure what i have done to deserve Ste cause i couldn't have anyone better by my side to share my life with and he was certainly worth the wait. I know just how fortunate i am to have him even though at times he drives me mad. I know that we are meant to be together and there is no one else i would rather be with and as Dad said just before our Wedding Anniversary i have never seen to people more made for each other. I have found my Aaron.

Weekend News

Saturday

Mummy and Daddy were not sure what they were going to do but thought they might take me swimming. But then Grandad phoned and Daddy decided to go with him to look at TV they were going to a shop somewhere different and dad thought it would be easier if he took grandad as he has a talking map.

So me and Mummy went into town and i brought daddy a Easter present but cant say what as he will find out. Mummy got the rest of her Easter things and picked somethings up for my special day. Then Daddy phoned to say he was back and came to pick us up and take Mummy out for lunch. Grandad came as well as a birthday treat because it was his birthday on Tuesday. But Nanny couldn't as she was busy looking after Max and Joe. Here i am with Mummy waiting for dinner only trouble was they only give me milk.

Then we went to a big shop and looked at food and mummy and daddy spent ages picking out a cake but i don't think it was for me. They then shared an ice cream i tried to get some but mommy says i have to wait 3 weeks before i can have food. My gums have been sore this week so mummy gives me medicine to make it feel better. She keeps put this things in my mouth but i don't like them but she says they will help my teeth I'm not so sure. (Anyway i got rid of one Macy chewed it )

Then on Sunday we went to the army and i saw my friends, But i was naughty at night and decided to start crying at the beginning of the sermon so mummy took me out but daddy was worried and came looking for us. Then when we got in Uncle Peter had brought Macy home but i didn't get to play as mummy said it was bed time.